


Perspective

by Geeneelee



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: M/M, hopefully it's good, i don't actually like this ship but it was a request lol, the australian emu war is a real thing unfortunately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 08:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16343120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geeneelee/pseuds/Geeneelee
Summary: Medic asks Sniper a favor. Unfortunately, "favor Medic asked for" and "weird and dangerous" are synonyms. Even worse, Sniper agrees. Why?





	Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> From tumblr, the-sweetest-snowcone requested bushmedicine + “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Medic scrunched his head down to look at Sniper. “Hmm?” It was difficult to get a look at his face when he was sitting on his shoulders. He made a valiant effort anyway, causing Sniper to nearly fall over from the weight shift.

The Australian made a disgruntled squawk, sort of like when a toad is thrown against a wall. Fortunately, unlike a toad thrown against a wall, Sniper was able to right himself before he suffered any blunt trauma. A small mercy in the Outback.

“I  _said_ , you’re lucky you’re cute. I smuggled you into this country, drove you out into the middle of bloody nowhere and let you sit on my shoulders just so you can get an emu. People like me actually have to work for stuff.”

Medic fiddled with his binoculars. “People like you?” he prompted.

Sniper sighed. “People who  _aren’t_ …cute.” His face flushed red. This conversation plus a decidedly “cute” man’s thighs on either side of his head were finally getting to him. His akruba and glasses were great for blocking the sun, and nearly as good for hiding a blush. No women snickering at him anymore.

Well, not for that anyway.

“Hmph, well. ‘Cuteness’ usually refers to how closely something resembles an infant, which I assuredly do not, so I’ll assumed you’re using the other meaning. Attractiveness.” He peered into the distance. “Which has some basis in proportions, hygiene, skin health, and so forth, but is largely subjective.” 

Trust an academic to get lost in the ‘well technically’ of any question. “Yeah, but some people, others tend to mostly agree on whether they’re attractive or not. There’s a general consensus. Only weirdos, or outliers if you want to be fancy about it, find me attractive.”

Medic shrugged slightly (pushing Sniper’s balance a second time was inadvisable). “ _Ja_. That’s true.”

An akruba and sunglasses were also excellent for hiding a look of hurt and disappointment, in case one of those lizards nearby had any opinions on some skinny humans’ emotions. The urge to pout and his dignity fought a brief war that the pout won. 

“Why are you the one looking, anyways? I can find an emu just fine. Spotting things at a distance is part of my job description, mate.”

“ _Nein_ , I have specific needs. I need a  _groß_ one, with a special something.”

Sniper scoffed. “They’re ALL gross, mate.” He heard a little (human) hoot in response.

“Sorry, large. I need a meaty one.”

Now that really gave Sniper pause. “What? Are you gonna eat it? Mate, if you wanted some emu meat we coulda gone to the bloody store!” Not that Sniper was one to talk about ignoring what was in the deli section for what was in the backyard, but coming all the way to Australia and being insulted by a man sitting on him was more trouble than some lousy bird dinner was worth.

“No, I am looking for strength. I want to catch one for study. You see  _mein Freund_ , flightless birds have a teeny tiny brain in comparison to their size, yet can exhibit immense power and combat ability. When I heard emus had won a war against the Australian military, I knew that I had to get my hands on one at once! I’ve been looking for a way to increase muscle mass while using the same brain and–oh look! There’s a perfect one right there!”

[The actual act of catching the emu,  _alive_ , was a saga of yelling, blood, running, dirt, fifteen pounds of eucalyptus and a sad wombat that could take up fifteen pages and will not be recounted here.]

* * *

Dust clouds grew behind them as Sniper drove his van, carefully in order to keep the comatose emu on top, back towards their hotel. 

“Out of curiosity, what would you have done if you  _didn’t_  have an Australian contact to get you into the country?”

“Ah, you mentioned that earlier, but I didn’t actually need your help getting into the country.”

He stared. “What the hell did you bring me for, then!?” Sniper alternated between staring, offended, at his companion and keeping his eyes on the road, which severely undermined the intended effect.

Either way, Medic had no shame, making Sniper’s feelings of offense irrelevant. “Because you’re, ah, cute. To me.”

Finally giving up on driving and experiencing emotional rollercoasters at the same time, Sniper brought the van to a stop. The emu made a strange thunk on top of the van.

“But…” he struggled to follow Medic’s train of thought, “you said–”

Medic smiled warmly. “I agreed that only strange people find you cute. It’s hard to deny that I am quite strange.”

An akruba and sunglasses were not sufficient for this bright a blush. Medic winked.


End file.
